Your silence spoke words I didn’t want to hear.
Words I had shut out while I still hung on
to that thread that became thinner and thinner.
I watched as it slipped through my fingers.
Still I clung to what I knew was just a fantasy
until I could bear my own lies no longer.
I let go…
Through tear filled eyes I watched in sadness as you drifted further and further away. Not once looking back. Not once did you reach for the hand that was still there Still reaching out to you in one last attempt at unrealistic hope.
Eventually it was lowered to hang loosely at my side. This is when the silence moved in that deafening, vibrating, feel it in your bones drown out the sound of your own heart beat silence.
It hit me with a rush of all the reality I had worked so hard to ignore knocking the breath from my lungs sending me to my knees.
I lay my head upon the floor curling into that comforting fetal position that we all seek when everything around us comes crashing down upon us like a stone wall crumbling and I let my tears flow until there were no more.
I did not drown…
I lay there for a while gathering my strength until I found my darkness and I embraced it pulling it tightly around me like the arms that I could no longer feel.
I cried even more as the darkness held me comforting me until I had nothing left inside and I lay there waiting.
Through tear-stained eyes I watched as I once again began to fade back into the fantasy I was before you demanded my reality.
My fingers found and curled into the soft fur of the wolf finding comfort there. The raven scolded my weakness cawing nevermore. And I repeated.