By: Clara-Nicole~

In darkness
I bedded monsters
who were never really after
little children

Instead, they wanted
a lonely, broken girl
who would make friends
with hideous shadows.
one that was too afraid
of love.

Buzzes from satellites
scared me as a child
caused me to believe
there was always someone
watching from a distance
sizing me up for some
sick, twisted plan.

Those sounds fed fears
that grew in darkened times
held my mind hostage inside
enclosed membrane pockets
whispered secrets
of who I would become.

The image painted
brought sadistic nightmares.
And when I could dream,
all I wanted was to get
far away from myself.

I tried to drown myself
in the Dead Sea once,
thinking it would be poetic.

But I remembered how nothing
sinks in that God forsaken place.
And I couldn’t have my ugly
body ruining the scenery
for the simple minded tourists.

They were empty too,
in a very different way.

When malicious grins
call me baby, nip at my
sunken collar bone, I can
almost feel my soul screaming.
My conscious reminds it
to hold its parched tongue
explains again how this is
safer than the alternative.

My brain whispers it is
better to live in fear
than to be completely broken.
I wish it could understand just
how damaged we already are.