By: LadyAri1960~

Tune: Banned From Argo

When we pulled into the Wal-mart lot in need of some supplies,
The gang set out investigating every section, every aisle.
We had high expectations of their hospitality,
But found too late it wasn’t geared for a fun bunch such as we.

Chorus: And we’re banned from Wal-mart, everyone.
Banned from Wal-mart, just for having a bit of fun.
We spent a great shopping trip there for just three hours or four,
But Wal-mart doesn’t want us any more.

Now Kaderian’s tastes were simple, but his style was so Outré.
We found him setting up five tents, each in a major thoroughway.
The town’s Police were on the way, we had no time to lose.
We yanked him out in the nick of time-in just his tennis shoes.
Then Gillie, he would yield to none at putting down the brew;
He out-drank seventeen marines and a demolition crew.
And Uncle Edward didn’t win, but he out-drank almost all,
And now they’ve got a Trebuchet on the roof of City Hall.

Our proper, cool Alinor was drugged with something green,
And hauled into an alley, where she suffered things obscene.
Back at site, she sobered up and is none the worse for wear,
‘Cept she’s somehow taught the Baronial computer how to swear.

Aurore disappeared awhile in the Pharmacy Section,
Buying some odd linemint “guaranteed to cause erection.”
She came home with no underwear and an oddly cheerful heart,
And a painful way of walking-with her feet a yard apart.

My little sister, Bronwyn, won, hands down, a household bet
By getting into the store-wide main communications net.
Now each time someone brings up a Wal-mart computer screen,
The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen.

Johnaton loves Humanity; his private life is quiet.
The local Police arrested him for causing the whores to riot.
We found him in the city jail, went in and bailed him free-
Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD.

Now Talyn loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too.
He took some up to the last Crown War and we wondered what they’d do,
‘Til the CEO of Wal-mart called and swore upon his life
That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife!

A gang of Bikers came in, and nobody seemed to care.
They stomped into the MacDonald’s to announce that they were there.
Half our gang was busy there, and invited them to play,
But the Bikers only gawked at us, then turned and ran away.

Our Barony’s Adria’s finest, and our record is our pride.
And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide.
We’re sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss;
Well, we’re sure that all the Wal-marts won’t be quick forgetting us