By: Dreadlox33~~

I don’t intend to produce

A silver coin from behind your ear;

It’s a cheap trick anyway.


And I won’t try to impress you

By memorizing the New York phone book;

Which I have done quite often

But how many times

Do you want to heat me say Smith?

After all …there are others

Waiting in the queue.

I won’t attempt to levitate you;

There’s considerable liability

Involved and quite frankly, Gracie

…I suck at tricks.

And I won’t cut you in half

From Goldin’s box of illusion;

A bit more impressive

But I’m still somewhat

…divided on it.


I can’t throw a ball 100 mile per hour

…I can barely break a pane of glass;

My imperfections run deep.

I can’t say Abra-ca-dabra

And make your problems disappear;

The only magic carpet I’ve got

I vacuum twice a week.

I’m not Carnac-the-Great

And I won’t wear

A sultan’s turban

Which is just a fancy name

For a towel you buy at Walmart.


I won’t pull a rabbit

Out of my hat, make you guess

Which card I’m thinking of

Or submerge myself in a

Hydronic glass tank

For five minutes because

I can only hold my breath for three

…and quite frankly you haven’t

Produced a single indication

That you’d be giving me CPR

Should I have a trick malfarction

Not that there is such a word

…and well, I’m stalling aren’t I?


What I can promise you, however,

Is that you’ll be my assistant

…for life;

And any handcuffs I put you in

We’ll share the key of communication.

And after all…

Is that not the magic

We’re really all looking for?


Now swallow this goldfish

While I

…make your underwear disappear.


~ ….ian

~ 3-15-14