Tags


By: AzurreDawn~

.

I sat alone at a table in a restaurant,

the sound of voices filling my ears.

People taking, yet no one listening.

Everyone speaking merely vying for attention.

What silence ensued, was a biding of time,

thinking upon what they wish to say next.

.

Like words in a book, I could see in their eyes —

the fear and sadness of hurt left unspoken,

the heartbreak, loneliness and sense of no-belonging – –

deception of undisclosed lies,

the anguish of unrequited love, and discomfort of social

setting…

buried deeply beneath almost convincing smiles,

their unexpressed hearts silently cry.

.

Perhaps if we embraced the uniqueness within ourselves,

be who we are, and not what others want us to be – –

we may learn to understand how it shapes and defines our

humanity,

enhancing our love and compassion, for ourselves and others.

.

Most people spend their lives in a dream,

waiting for someone to fill the emptiness,

with a sense of belonging.

.

I have heard it said,

“We must embrace the love in ourselves

before we can love one another.”

.

Why is it so hard to accept ourselves?

Are we not the perfection of imperfection

created by the wisdom of the Greater Unknown?

.

Why do we feel a need to hide our individually?

Is it perhaps our unawareness that our inadequacy is learned

and not innate to our existence?

OnlineHost:  bobrobwrite has entered the room.

.

Is it from these differences that we experience our existence

as separateness, the lack of belonging we fight so hard to hide?

.

Why do we wish to give up our uniqueness venturing through life

as a child of societies ‘norm’?

In the light of the sun are not our shadows the same color?!

.

Someone spoke of the pleasure he felt knowing me.

After uncomfortable silence he shyly revealed,

it was the hardest thing he had ever expressed.

.

As he spoke, I realized, how hard it was for me to comfortably

receive his words..

I felt embarrassment, the disbelief of his sincerity.

I silently questioned why he said what he did,

mindfully waiting for his hidden agenda to be revealed.

.

I could feel the pain of my distrust burning in the space

between us.

My own internal fight and flight of my lack of self-acceptance

and unworthiness.

.

How can I expect to feel honesty, sincerity and love others have

to offer,

if I am withholding the pain of my inadequacy from those I meet.

Only showing the illusion of trust, belief and deserving,

when inside I feel empty, separate and alone.

.

I have come to understand, we, as human beings,

do not have the luxury of choosing what emotions we feel.

To deny or suppress one emotion diminishes them all.

Creating an inability to experience the heights of happiness,

joy and love.

.

Remaining open, chancing the risk of pain, assists in the

opening of our hearts.

Experiencing painful, unpleasant emotions without resistance,

makes us deeper, more compassionate peoples.

.

Can I not be the unique individual I am, expressing the depths

of my hearts desire?

Must I continue to hide behind the mask of ‘normal’

society has taught me to wear?

.

Until we realize that everyones differences are what make us

similar,

we will be forever frozen in that sense of no-belonging we

continuously run from.

If we allow ourselves the opportunity to express what we feel,

it is only then, we know longer feel the emptiness.

.

I rarely meet others whose unspoken thoughts, mean what their

tongues speak,

or their silence holds love and contentment waiting to be

shared.

Why do we hold back our expressions of love, as if in some way

it is a weakness?

.

When I look into the eyes of a child what do I see … a smile,

a frown?

When I smile at them do they laugh and dance in their hearts,

or turn away in fear?

.

What do they feel,

   what do they see,

      the same as we…

         a life of silent suicide?

                      ©  1981  ~AzurreDawn